{realizations}

i don't know why this is hitting me now, but it is, and i want to be better about blogging, more honest, so here it is...

i'm a year out from being in the 'real world'.  in the fall, i'll be an almost real slp and working at the v.a. here in lexington.  while i'm stoked and cannot wait for an opportunity like this, today it's hitting me that real life is coming fast.
today was fabulous.  because of the lovely weather here in ky, i decided all i was going to do today was lay around, drink coffee, and read.  it was lovely, and i've needed it for a while.  i love being busy.  i love doing things, being spontaneous, and enjoying new things.  still, i need to remember to stop, breathe, and enjoy the peace and quiet.
now i'm thinking, will this be able to happen often after this short summer break?  the answer is probably not... rarely on a tuesday will i be able to just sit on my small, but lovely bed and read harry potter all day (judge me).
if i'm going to be honest, i'm kind of nervous.  i'm nervous about not knowing enough and feeling unprepared for the real world.  i'm nervous that i won't know what to do, how to do it, or why i'm doing whatever technique i'm supposed to know.  i'm nervous that all the years of school won't actually pay off.  i am usually pretty confident in myself, but for some reason, today it's hitting me that i won't have my classmates to rely help me out, my teachers won't be the ones i'm used to, but a new supervisor in a new location, and i will be working 9-5 (on free labor!).

i guess today is one of those days that i just need to be still and know that God is my protector and will provide all that i need.  it's one of those days that i realize i need my wonderful friends, boyfriend and family and will continue to need them, and that life will go on, even if i don't know the answer or the technique or the methodology behind things.

for YOU created my inmost being; YOU knit me together in my mother's womb.  i praise YOU because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; YOUR works are wonderful, i know that full well.

even in my moments of realization and worry, i want to trust God, like a child trusts their parents and doesn't worry about what they'll eat or where they'll sleep because mom and dad always have that figured out, that i'll be fine and i have nothing to fear.

in my moments of self-doubt, i want to know i can do nothing, HE can do everything.
in my moments of worry, i want to trust HIM
in my moments of feeling weak, i want to know that HE is strong
in my moments of low self-esteem, i want to know that HE delights in me