{personal}

please let me start off this post with a statement that i am not against plastic surgery or changing one's look.  i know people go through changes for all sorts of reasons.  this post is simply about my eye-opening experience yesterday, and prayers for girls/women everywhere.

my eyes were opened yesterday to why plastic surgery can be addicting for some women.  i went to the dentist for a cleaning yesterday.  a simple cleaning, with questions of possible whitening for my upcoming wedding.  i left and cried the hardest i have cried in months.  a cry that came from the inside, one of feeling inadequate and not good enough.

it seems silly, looking back with a good night's rest, and some chats with my mama, some friends, and ian.  it seems silly. but i know it's also not silly at all.

i left the dentist, after simply wanting to know if i could use white strips, feeling like i had the worst smile on the face of the earth.  my teeth were literally 'picked apart', and i was told i needed everything from i need professional whitening, to veneers (nothing against them- i know lots of people need them for more permanent whitening solutions or they inherited 'great' teeth, just that my teeth structure is perfectly fine), to replacement caps on my molars, to gap reduction and a periodontal appointment.  i left feeling about 2 feet tall.

this made me feel even smaller, because prior to going, i had put a little extra makeup on, i had my new fun glasses on, and a cute outfit.  i felt good.  i left feeling like none of it mattered.

i realized how blessed i am.  i have been told all my life i am beautiful.  my parents told me, my mom was never self-conscious about her beauty, and therefore, passed it along to me, my friends always built me up, and i'm marrying a man who thinks i look beautiful when i'm not wearing makeup, or trying particularly hard.
i realized not everyone is as blessed as that, and that made me sad.

like i said, i can see how plastic surgery is addicting, because people start pointing out things that aren't 'perfect', and giving you solutions to look 'perfect'.  without even meaning to, they can break you down to a point of desperation and pain, but give you solutions to 'fix' what is 'wrong' with you.

today i'm thankful that i know God created me the way he wants me.  i may not be perfect by the world's standards.  i may be too short, too small in some areas, too big in others, my body is not perfect, my skin is not perfect, i have my flaws, but i know GOD MADE MY FLAWS.  if we were all 'perfect', we wouldn't have the things God made us to have to be unique.

i want reality to be like the dove commercials where women are celebrated for being different and unique.

please know, if you read this, you are beautiful.  you may think you have your flaws, but honestly, we are our toughest critic.  most people don't notice the tiny gap, or the off-centered whatever.  they see you.  they see the person God made you to be.